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Military Mamas

Alex McDonald

I did not grow up in a military family. I was taught from a young age that guns are bad, and war is sad; two things I still believe for the most part, especially the latter. I had never really thought of what it was like to be a military partner until I met Greg. He was leaving for Afghanistan in only a few weeks when we met, and our intense connection went from exciting to heartbreaking in the weeks leading up to his deployment. I will never forget the way my heart felt like it was physically breaking as I drove away from him in his uniform the day he left. I looked around at the kids and knew I would never be as strong as those women who were helping them say goodbye.

Years past and I resisted being immersed in the military culture. I volunteered briefly at the MFS and led a few workshops for Military Mamas, but something inside me told me that I was still on the outside. Maybe it was the condolences and sad looks I got when I said my partner was in the military. I don't know how many times I heard the words " It must be so hard..." Society paints a picture of military wives that doesn't fit with how many of us feel.

It wasn't until our posting in Belgium that I truly opened myself to having friends that were military partners. Friends like the one I first encountered over a decade ago. Ones that I felt worlds apart from before, but beings across the world has brought me to see what we are.


Loving a soldier, and truly recognizing what that means is something so hard to put into words. I have learned that we are all stronger than we knew. We hold down the fort so our partners can be alert, calm and ultimately safe. This doesn't mean we keep the dust to a minimum and the oil changed. It means they depend on us to maintain life as they know it and be solely responsible for their most loved people. It means we help our children cope; with change and pain and longing. We do this when we are already feeling those things so loud ourselves. It means we have to come to terms with the fact that our partners are people that would take our children's very most loved person away from them, so others are safer, and that is something that is both terrifying and truly beautiful.


I am not sure if I resisted true connection with my community because I knew I was not as strong as the women I saw around me at the start, or as sad as those not in the community made me feel I should be. But I know that I am both. When I am solo parenting, I feel competent and strong and empowered. We mamas can all do more than we know possible. But when I am sad, because those times do come; it is only others who truly understand who I want to connect with. And a military community is a family who loves and supports unconditionally. Because we are all both incredibly strong and are faced with tough reminders more than others.


And that makes life and love a little more precious.

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